Tuesday, January 27, 2009

me against the world

stab me once. stab me twice. then call yourself my coach. my mentor.

my work life becomes more and more unpleasant every day. i am on the verge of tears more often than not these days...

have you ever watched a movie that contains characters that are referred to as"bad guys"? have you ever found yourself crossing your fingers that the bad guy would pull through and come out on top? The Score, for instance. DeNiro and Norton, playing characters that are working together to rob a bank. i know that anyone robbing a bank would be considered a bad guy, but throughout the entire movie, you are hoping they will be successful at the robbery, and find relief of anxiety when they pull through.

for the simple reason that i am relocating to chicago against my boss's will, i have become the bad guy. the one causing controversy. the one everyone is talking about, but not talking to.

i am not robbing a bank, i am not killing anyone, i am not committing any crime, i am not stealing.

yet, i am ignored, i am snubbed, and my situation is talked about as if it were the juiciest bit of gossip this year. it's almost as if everyone is anticipating every move i make to prove i am the bad guy.

i am simply RELOCATING. working for the same company in a different division. (heavy gossip material, apparently)

my boss, and my boss's boss consider themselves my coach's, my mentors. one of them actually made the statement that she only cares about the future of my career. yet, she is full of lies and deception. she will do anything within her will-power to hold me back from relocating to chicago, the exact place she pulled me from.

it's me against the world. just me fending for myself. there is no one left to turn to. no one to support me through a decision that is absolutely right for me.

if i don't look out for me, who will?

In a land far away where the sun doesn't spare a soul
and a twisted tradition has a girl in a strangle hold
Lies a desert with the footprints of little girls with a secret
of a pain
that you and I could never know

Little feet running fast as they can like the bird in flight
through days of sand with a fire in the sky
And through indigo nights
she runs away from a life spent
Being witness to other unwilling participants

of a pain
that you and I will never know

[Chorus] Your'e a bravebird (bravebird)
of the rarest kind (kind)
You may be one of the
walking wounded
but still you fly
You're a bravebird (bravebird)

you put yourself on the line

When you shared your secret with the world
You saved another mother's child

As she speaks, you can tell that the words are not easy to say
They hold the power to transport
her back to that impossible day

but she hasn't any regrets
'cause' she won't become a woman with a secret
of a pain
that you and I could never know
you and I could never know
you and I could never know

[Bravebird by Amel Larrieux]

this is a the time that losing my phone (i did last weekend in vegas) or laptop (my best friend did -at an airport yesterday) would be nice -- disconnect my connection to the outside world for a while....

It will all work itself out... but not without a little heartache and stress

"Don't be afraid of death so much as an inadequate life." - Bertolt Brecht

1 comment:

insomniaclolita said...

why is relocating makes them being a bitch to you? I dont see anything wrong with that. It happens a lot right? Hang in there :(