Friday, April 10, 2009


u-haul trucks and furniture pads. movings boxes and busy work. class requests and paperwork. new neighbors and long-lost friends. conference calls and bio pages. missing items and ill-functioning light sockets. a salon search and a photographer hook-up. a busy social life and insufficient alone time. dunkin' donuts and portillos. cb2 and trader joe's. google maps and new paths. picture hanging and office organizing.
i was ill-prepared to get what i asked for: a move to the city. the city that has caught my intrigue for years. Chicago. home.
maybe i thought that my friends were longing for the day that i'd be back. they haven't called much.
maybe i thought i would live in a small one bedroom condo with beautiful granite counter tops and stainless steel appliances, hard-wood floors and street parking. instead, my place is intrinsically quaint. a jacuzzi tub, berber carpet, and a fenced-in back yard.
maybe i thought i needed to be closer to my family. i have contemplated NOT going to see my family for Easter.
there are days that i don't a minute to spare. not a second to process a thought. there are nights that i am alone.... unsure of what i should be doing.
i got what i asked for. Chicago. home.
ambivalence: the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.


Elle said...

This is a tremendous change. You've moved back to a place that was once home, but that you've been separated from for some time now. It's hard to get re-acquainted, back on your feet, feel that all the pieces fit together perfectly. But you'll get there. Be proud of this tremendous accomplishment. You've done it!!

ceecee said...

I do hope things will end up looking positive for you! I can't imagine leaving my hometown for so long and then coming back but things are still different. Hang in there!

PS - You've been given an award, go check it out at my cozy e*home:

Bird* said...

Thanks Elle & ceecee